surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
