i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
