I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
