I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
