i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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