So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
