Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
