Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
50% drunk capacity currently
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
