Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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