____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
