You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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