Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
