Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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