...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
