she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
