I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
