stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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