bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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