You smell like stripper and shame
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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