Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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