oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
