pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
