allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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