How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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