You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
