I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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