I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
