My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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