I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
