We won't sleep together?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
