Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
