Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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