I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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