well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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