Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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