You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Please don't give away my fajitas
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
