I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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