Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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