"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
