All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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