I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
