I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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