he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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