That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
