So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
