if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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