Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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