yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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