Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
