Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
