some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
