When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
