The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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