I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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