im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
